Robby Wagner's Blog

Simple Minded sigh

Robby — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 12:22:59 +0000

Surprisingly, I’ve been asked this more than once, more than 5 times and more than a dozen times:

“Hey, have you thought about going on that one show for comedians called Last Comic Standing?”

There’s many punches that can be inserted here. You can add your own if you’d like…unless you’re the one asking questions like this.

It just blows my mind that people ask this. Not like it came out of their mouth and they realized it was a dumb question – they truly want to know and they wait for your answer. Not making this up but I replied back once with, “Hmm, do you think it’d help my career?” They responded, “It could, you should do it, it wouldn’t hurt.” This is the mind I’m jealous of because I’m a serious thinker that dwells to the point of health issues, I wish that’s as far as my mind could go sometimes – I think I’d be a happier person.

I want to be so simple minded that I can walk into a slow traffic store or business, look the owner in the eye and genuinely say, “have you thought about selling more each day? You’d make so much more money than you are now.”

Unfortunately, my mind is so advanced that all I can think about ends up being logical. However, I’m a dreamer in this business but I do credit myself for coming up with (on my own, mind you) that a national television spot appearance just might boost my career an eensy weensy tiny little bit. I thought of it first, don’t steal my idea.

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Nocturnal Thoughts

Robby — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 11:57:30 +0000

The only good thing I can think of about not being able to sleep is that if someone tried to break into your home, you can greet em’ when they got in.

“Good morning and welcome! I started coffee, go ahead and have a seat. Excuse my non-attire, I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

I tell people how I can’t sleep and they usually don’t get it. In my head, I envision that everyone is sound asleep and peaceful whenever they want. Rested up to go on with their merry lives day in and day out.

I tell you what…one of these nights, not tonight or last night or most of the past 4 months….I will get some rest. And I bet that’s the night someone will try to break in – at least if they do they’ll have to see me nearly naked, if not full on nude. (That would suck if that was the only way I could fall asleep – no camping trips for me)

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Breakin’ the Law – Breakin’ the Law

Robby — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 08:44:35 +0000

So, I was driving home from the gym and passed a cop that was giving a ticket to someone outside of their house. About a minute later, I see lights flashing behind me – same cop! He waved me to come out “come here, look at this!” He was pointing at a wire hanging down from my license plate (approx 2 inches long). All I could think when he pointed to that was, ‘look at the rest of my car’ – I should get an award that it even runs. It’s a 95 Ford Probe that was brought back to life from a salvaged title, 250 dents all over it, paint falling off, a broken trunk I had to pay a couple Mexican guys to fix the trunk good enough to appear to close to pass safety inspection, an extended mirror on the driver side, bad brakes, cracked ball joint, half gutted interior and trash piled everywhere to keep bad guys away (since it got broken into twice…that and I’m a little busy and haven’t had time to clean it). All that is wrong and he points out a 2 inch wire hanging down at noon – how he even saw that is beyond me.

He runs my name and license to see if I have any warrants out. I think he really wanted to arrest me because after my name cleared, he said “man, and I left that back there for this.” – Someone actually got out of a ticket because of me and my 2 inch black wire hanging down from my trunk. How lucky was that guy? I wonder what he got pulled over for – a rock wedged in between the tread of one of his tires?

I’ve always had bad luck with cops wanting to pull me over, etc. It’s ALWAYS for no legitimate reason too. Once on my birthday (25th birthday) – a cop came and profiled me because “someone called in” and said I was being disruptive and suspicious. All that happened was I walked out of a convenient store with an ice cream cone at 11:30am with 2 friends that came into town to see me. Cop ran all my info, etc. and not once did he say “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

Nachos, oh how I love thee…

Robby — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 20:46:59 +0000

Well, it’s official – I’m a nachoholic. I’ve been craving them almost everyday for the last couple of months. I guess the cravings could be for something worse (i.e. ice cream, candy, etc.) .

My love for nachos is completely out of control. I hear love songs when I see them. I could probably write poetry about the unconditional love I have for them.

I love just about all nachos. But, I have to say that real cheese melted is the only way to go (no cheese sauce). I’m also a firm believer that each individual chip should have cheese and toppings on it. I strategically set up each chip on the plate when I make them, guaranteeing that each bite will be perfect!

Yummm!!!!!

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iSometimes you just gotta let go!

Robby — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 06:36:34 +0000

Today – I realized that there’s a first time for everything. Since I’ve been an iPhone owner, I’ve never left home without it! I leave without my wallet, sometimes my keys and I’ve even left (more than once) without brushing my teeth. Not once have I left my iPhone and gotten to my car without remembering (and almost panicking).

As I was driving to the gym, I realized I didn’t have it. I almost threw up, I started getting withdrawals, I wanted to call a helpline for people like me – except I didn’t have my phone. I decided to see if I could actually go a full hour or whatever without my iPhone. And ya know what, I made it! It was actually refreshing, a nice change! I started turning back into a human again, I actually looked around me and paid attention to life! Life is different outside the SmartPhone world.

I am thinking of getting into the habit of getting away from my phone a few times per week. I don’t want to sound overly eager to do so because I know it takes baby steps. So, for now, I’m going to do little trips without it, i.e. gym, checking the mail, taking a shower, and so on and so forth.

If you are as addicted to being “connected” to the electronic life 24/7 like I am, I challenge you to get away from it for a little bit. Making a point to get out of this robotic life (at least for a little bit at a time) and doing real things. Pick up a pencil and write, throw a rock, chase a bird, whatever you can’t do on your phone. Eventually, though, there’ll be an app to do all these things.

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Singles Sites

Robby — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 08:11:16 +0000

I love reading dating sites people profiles, i.e. Plenty of Fish, etc. I don’t read the guys (of course) but get a kick out of the women. A lot are decent but some make me smile.

I’m going to compile a few of my favorite lines into one paragraph. It won’t make sense but it’s a combination of headlines, about me’s, first date suggestions, etc.

“Blue eyed Queen! If you don’t read my profile, keep on truckin’. Tired of boys, I need a real man. Looking for someone who can make me laugh. No more games, looking for my soul mate – (first date) I’m the princess, I decide. No white boys allowed. (Profession) Ask if you want to know. Looking for a man who will take care of me (children: prefer not to say). If you cant send me a message with more than one line, keep moving. I’m tired of guys who write and say “you’re hot! you’re beautiful! wow!” – say something interesting you unoriginal losers. “The End

Most titles I see have “I wanna a guy who can make me laugh!” I’ve never thought that about girls. None of my friends have that requirement that I can think of either. “Dude, I just want a girl that can make me laugh.” That’d be interesting though. My next date I’ll hold auditions – “Make Robby Wagner Laugh and win a date” I wonder how many submissions I’d get.

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Friendly Neighbor

Robby — Sun, 28 Nov 2010 10:51:23 +0000

So, I’m at the gym and it never fails – I make a B-Line straight to the bathroom. Not sure why either, just how I start my workout which is, in some cases, a workout in itself. Eww. – Real quick – sometimes I’m in there forever too and I can’t work out cos’ I was in there so long. But, luckily, the front desk people don’t know that I didn’t work out because, technically, I was in the “gym” for so long. They look at me like I had a GREAT workout: “Have a nice day! Wow, did you see that guy? Look how sweaty he was. He literally looks 10lbs lighter. We must be doing something right – GO TEAM GO, KEEP EM’ MOTIVATED!”

Anyways, I was starting my workout again the other day (in the bathroom). There were 2 stalls when I went in the bathroom. The first one I walked into had no toilet paper – and the seat was all gross with pee all over it. So, I went in the other one and there was toilet paper, whew. Well, as soon as I went in, some guy came running in and went in the stall next to me. Already, put a smile on my face cos’ I knew there was no toilet paper. About 5 minutes later he starts trying to talk to me but I ignore him. Lol. Then, he started knocking on the wall that separated our stalls. It was a Mexican guy, “scuse me! Do you have toilet paper? I don’t have none.” Lol. I didn’t do it but I felt like saying, “AH CRAP! I DON’T HAVE ANY EITHER! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO. LET’S CALL FOR HELP! HELP – IS ANYBODY OUT THERE? PLEASE HELP US – (unison) HELP!!! ANYONE THERE? WE’RE STUCK.” That would’ve been funny – I think. So, like a nice guy, I balled up a huge wad of toilet paper and passed it under to him. He started laughing, “thanks.” The only problem I was thinking was, it’s gross to take anything from someone that’s dropping a deuce. But, in his case, I guess it’s better than having nothing to use. Lol.

What a crappy situation. Never talked to anyone while both crapping about a foot and a half apart from each other.

Scary Movies

Robby — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 11:34:02 +0000

I think scary movies should have no-name actors. Just in case it sucks, it’s not that big of a disappointment. I watched “The New Daughter” with Kevin Costner – I’m sorry but the movie SUCKED!!!! And after the movie, I thought: this film had a pretty big budget. I know a lot of indie film makers that would love to have a nice budget for a film – a film with thought, substance, written, etc.

I feel like every movie like this one has the same plot. The beginning starts out with like a dad and his two children that he just got custody of – all 3 moving into a gigantic 150k sq ft house just outside of a little town. Everyone in the town knows “what happened” in this house too but that doesn’t stop him from getting his kids and getting out. Then, a series of him finding his daughter leaving in the middle of the night to go outside to the hill or whatever, scraping sounds, growls, screams, doors being left open, footprints all over the house, etc. At the end, finally get to see some monsters or ghosts or whatever they were – horrible graphics – and he was able to shoot them and kill them. Even though they were easy to kill, they still pulled the police out of the window (and not the dad) when he was down the street from the house. *SIGH* – Horrible horrible horrible

My favorite part: the police gets pulled out of the window for no reason and gets killed and they didn’t take the dad. Lol. Now the dad has to die because if he doesn’t, he’s going to jail – nobody is going to believe his story. “Let me get this straight, he stopped the car for no reason, decided to stick half of his body out of the window in the middle of the night, and a monster pulled him out of the car and killed him?” “Yes.” “And, why didn’t they get you again?” “I’m not exactly sure. He just didn’t. Probably cos I stayed calm and didn’t freak out. He musta got self conscience when he couldn’t scare me and just walked back into the woods. I could’ve peed my pants I was laughing so hard. – ‘you call that scary, monster, nice yell *aarrrghhh* – back at ya buddy’.”

Here’s a thought: let’s leave celebrities out of scary movies. It brings them no justice to their career – unless they’re broke. Nobody is impressed with a bunch of great movies and then some random crappy “scary” movie. It’s not realistic. “Kevin, how did you prepare yourself for this film?” “Well, it wasn’t easy, that’s for sure. I had to dig really deep into my core being and imagine how it would feel….to fight little goblins.”

*sigh*

ACCESS GRANTED

Robby — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 12:54:26 +0000

Facebook apps and games can be cool, I have to admit. But, I just don’t get why they have the little popout disclaimer “Do you allow ‘such and such’ permission to access your account whenever they want?” You HAVE to say yes or you don’t get to have the app. That’s crazy! They have all of your information just so you can find out an app is crap or a game is lame? Weird, that wasn’t intentional to make those rhyme. Oh well.

Anyways, back to it. If you think about how many apps there are out there and how many people are on each one – that’s pretty scary. If you’ve ever done any research on an app, unless its Facebook’s, they’re all outside companies. Not only are they getting people on their list and their contact info – they’re getting access to your stuff, your passwords, friends’ info, more. It’s pretty insane if you think about it.

I keep seeing the ads on the right – “Robert, Your Friends Found More Friends – Give it a Try!” I don’t want to. Seriously, in real life – “Robert, Your Friends Just Found More Friends – Give Us Your Social and We’ll Help You Too!” – that’s what it’s like. I’m not paranoid, I just listen to friends talk too much about the Government . . . oh wait . . . I can’t say anymore. Anyways, just be careful!

LA FITNESS vs. pure fitness

Robby — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 12:16:49 +0000

My gym, well old gym now, was bought out a couple days ago. Yep, Pure Fitness bought out by the almighty LA Fitness. How much more powerful is LA Fitness than Pure Fitness?? Honestly, I think the popularity of LAF is because it has “LA” in it. If it was called another name or initial, it wouldn’t work. i.e. BO Fitness, OK Fitness, etc.

LA Fitness showed up, “told” them they were going to buy them and then did – or at least that’s how I imagine it. I don’t really see Pure Fitness being able to fight back. They just don’t have the funds to match the marketing and strategy as LAF. LAF was going to take them out one way or another, so I guess take the money. *sigh*

Big corporate businesses do this all the time – they wipe out anyone coming up or starting to. People don’t do this to each other, they try but it doesn’t work. “Hey, I see you have a lot of friends now – you’re becoming Mr. Popular over here. Well, I’ll take them from here – you just go away now, bye bye!” I’ve known people to try that. Stop cherry picking friends from each other – it’s not cool – unless it just happens. Nowadays, people look through your friends list on your FB page and start adding them left and right. Lol. Oh really, you know my Aunt Carolyn, do ya? I haven’t seen her in 5 years but all of a sudden you guys are buddies on FB. Oh well – whatever you need to do, right?

Last thoughts:

I’m hungry, all this going to the gym and eating less is brutal!